I'm numb as I write this.

A few hours ago, in an email discussion concerning an aspect of medical ethics, I took it upon myself to tear into a guy who posted what I consider to be one of the most smug, unexamined, self-righteous, fatuous articulations about God's sovereignty I've read in years.

And when I say I tore into him, I don't mean that I refuted his assertions, or rebutted his arguments. In fact, I did neither of those. I mean I ridiculed him; I tried to humiliate him. I wanted him to be the butt of every witticism I could devise in the 10 minutes I spent composing my response.

That's right, Ladies and Germs: I committed the cardinal mistake of electronic communication: I wrote and posted while enraged.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Now, this guy had something coming. He was going to get taken down a peg or ten. But not this way, and maybe not from me at all.

I've been boiling both about his initial posting and my response all day: mad at him, and mad at myself.

Sometimes I don't feel like I know who I am anymore.